While I am a big believer in the education principles that carry over to good coaching, none of it is possible without a strong connection between a coach and a player. In fact, of all the principles discussed, connections are the biggest and most important. The coach-athlete connection is the foundation for effective coaching.
OLD SCHOOL VS. NEW SCHOOL
First of all, we have to establish what a connection is. And it is not necessarily the most traditional definition that drives the coach-player relationship.
Decades ago, most of the coach-player relationship was driven through fear. Look back on any old school movie, documentary, book etc., and a head coach almost always appeared as a stand-offish figure who never smiled and yelled throughout a practice or game. The coach was a well respected (at least outwardly) unapproachable, hard-to-please individual who demanded excellence and settled for nothing less. The stereotypical portrayal of a head coach was Bud Kilmer in Varsity Blues. He was a win-at-all-cost coach that built an aura of success through fear and intimidation.
Many of us experienced coaches who were like this (although hopefully not to Kilmer’s satirical extent). We had coaches who just demanded you do what they say and if you wouldn’t do it, someone else would.
Was there a connection in this type of relationship? There was. But not necessarily a healthy or valued one. Although, this type of coach had the ability to be more successful decades ago when society featured a more factory-like system.
Educators often talk about the migration away from a factory style approach to school. The theory states that schools were designed to prepare the majority of the students for work in a factory. This is why classrooms featured block walls, rows of desks, one blackboard and no obvious distractions. Teachers were the “sage on a stage” where they lectured and told students what to do. Students took notes and the majority of the educational process was rote memorization. This type of schooling was preparation for how life went in a factory.
That style transitioned to the field or court. Practices were cold, often boring, with repetition the focus. There was no feedback. No two way conversations. Players were told what to do and they did it.
The hard truth is society has evolved. Education has been moving away (albeit slowly) from the factory model to more of a collaborative process. The majority of students do not respond to this type of education. Students now have options. In many areas of the country, they have choices in what schools they attend. Extracurricular activities and sports compete with technology and video games for time. High school athletes can choose to play club sports and not high school sports. At the collegiate level, students have much more freedom to transfer. Students and athletes are not forced to be in uncomfortable situations. They have the ability to change environments to one that is more conducive to their style and success.
Coaches must adapt.
WHAT IS A CONNECTION?
It is difficult to characterize old school coaches as a coach that had a connection. The athlete was typically more connected to the school or the sport than they were the coach. If you wanted to play baseball or soccer, you had to play for your high school because there were limited options. If you wanted to play basketball you had to deal with the coach otherwise risk not being on a team. If you were fortunate enough to earn a college scholarship, you better suck it up or risk losing the money. The connection was with the situation, not necessarily the coach.
A player-coach connection is much more important now. First of all, that connection may be the only thing keeping a kid on your team or in your program. Secondly, most athletes won’t learn unless there is some connection to the coach. Oftentimes, that coach is the sole source of motivation – a player wants to work for and please the coach.
The connection is unique for every individual. Just as there is differentiated instruction in the classroom, there is differentiated leadership on the field.
As we have established. Coaches want the players to look at all of the individuals as a team. However, a coach must look at the team as a group of individuals.
What the connection looks like depends on the player, and it can evolve.
For a freshman on a high school team, that connection can be centered around more of a traditional, respect-driven approach. A younger player may want to impress a new coach or coaching staff. If that coach shows an interest in that player, it can fuel his or her desire to impress. As that player progresses in the program, the connection must be deeper. The player has to know that the coach has their best interest in mind. The player wants to feel that the coach will help them succeed, in a supportive way.
That may look different for different coaches and different players.
HOW TO ESTABLISH A CONNECTION
Let’s get practical. How does a coach establish a vitally important connection with a player?
It starts early. As the old saying goes, “you never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Make your initial interaction with a student or player meaningful. The faster you get to know your player, the faster you can establish a connection. What makes them tick? What are they interested in? Ask them more questions than they ask you.
BE AUTHENTIC: Players can see through a fake persona. You have to be yourself. Don’t try to emulate a coach. You can take bits and pieces from other coaches or teachers, but at the end of the day you have to be true to who you are.
ASK QUESTIONS: Asking questions accomplishes two things. First of all, you gain essential information about the player. You understand what motivates them. You understand what drives them. Secondly, it demonstrates to the player that they have a voice. It creates an environment where they can speak. It opens the lines of communication, especially when they are going through difficult times.
DIFFERENTIATE INSTRUCTION: Not every student learns the same way. This is true in the classroom as well as on the field. Obviously, practices are designed to work on team-centric activities. However, during instructional periods make sure you cater to how a player learns. By this, you do not have to (nor should you) teach to one modality. You should teach to all modalities. Be visual. Be auditory. Be kinesthetic. Incorporate many ways a player can learn. Even players that are more visual can benefit from a kinesthetic activity.
INDIVIDUALIZE COMMUNICATION: The fastest way to lose a modern day player is to call them out publicly. While a smaller percentage can still handle this old school approach, many can not. Embarrassing a player will sever any connection that was established. Talk to a player off to the side. Walk up to them, look them in the eye and explain what went wrong and how they can fix it. While it may take a few extra seconds, the impact is immeasurable. Have individual conversations during practice, before practice and after practice. Follow up with them to make sure they understand the teaching points.
The byproduct of individualized communication is showing the player that you truly care about their success. If they believe you have their best interest in mind, the chances of connection increase exponentially. Addressing them in a calm, clear manner where you explain the concept will make a lasting impression.
Individual communication is perhaps that most important component to establishing a connection with the player. This is the greatest difference between old school and new school. Having one-on-one conversations with players puts you on a fast track to establishing a connection.
Once a connection is established, it is much easier for a coach to truly teach. Connections not only streamline the communication between a coach and a player but also create an environment conducive to learning. Players become more in-tune with the teaching segments. They are more open to concepts and constructive criticism. The entire learning process accelerates if there is a connection between a coach and player.