Ask most coaches at the youth or high school level what the worst part of the job is and typically the answer is one word – “parents.” One of the best ways to avoid as many issues with parents as you can is to properly communicate. How do you communicate with parents?
FIND AN APP
Nowadays it is much easier to establish communication than it was 10 or 20 years ago. There are many apps available – free ones at that – to establish a method of communication. Apps like GameChanger and Crossbar are two easy to use apps that you can set up based on your sport and what features you want.
An app makes it easy because you do not have to hand out printed copies of information that rarely make it to the parents anyway.
Set up an app prior to the first practice. Get email addresses from your league officials and invite parents to download the app, if they do not have it already.
PRE SEASON INFORMATION
Provide as much information as possible prior to the season. Let the parents know about practice dates and times. If you have a game schedule, upload it as soon as possible. By providing this information as early as you can, you may be able to avoid roster issues when it comes to scheduling conflicts.
There are times when parents know about school related conflicts and the sooner you know about these issues, the better.
Keep information updated throughout the season. It is important to be upfront with the parents regarding paperwork needs, logistical issues and schedules.
Communicate with the parents how you design and set up practices. This is your chance to establish your proficiency in the sport.
PARENT MEETING
This one usually makes coaches cringe, but it has proven to be successful in reducing potential issues during the season.
After one of the first practices of the season, have an in-person parent meeting.
In this meeting, reinforce the use of the app – there are always parents who refuse to download an app. Encourage them to do so and explain how it will help everyone involved.
This is also your chance to communicate to the parents your philosophy on coaching, including what your objectives are for the season. It is also imperative that you communicate about playing time and how it will be handled.
Typically playing time is more equal on the recreation level and starts to become a little more unequal on the travel and club level.
Make it clear to the parents how you determine playing time and what your process is for discussing playing time concerns.
PLAYING TIME
Most coaches will tell you, no matter what concerns parents have during the season, once you strip back the layers it usually comes down to playing time. You rarely have issues from the parents whose kid plays all the time. Parents attend a game and want to see their children participate, no matter their skill level.
Some parents know this and will try to approach you about another concern – the way a practice is run or in game strategy. However, after discussing the surface issue, they usually divulge their concerns with their child’s playing time or what position they are playing.
Communicate with the parents early on about playing time. Explain how you determine who plays, what positions they play and how you substitute players during the games. Also explain how you will help the player improve during the season, if they also put in the effort. This will not eliminate difficult conversations, but it usually reduces the frequency of them.
DEALING WITH OFFICIALS
There is an official shortage in youth leagues for a reason. Make it very clear to the parents that they are not to address a referee or an official during a game. This is a non-negotiable. Parents should not be yelling at or communicating with officials during a contest. Your job as a coach is to communicate with the officials and make sure your parents understand the expectations.
Ultimately, an official will look to you to control you parents behavior so establish this early on.
24 HOUR RULE
The popular 24 hour rule is designed to eliminate (or reduce) emotion from a conversation.
Parents get extremely emotional during a game or competition. Listen to the bleachers during every game and you will hear very emotionally charged comments directed at officials, coaches and yes, even players.
Having a conversation with a parent right after a game is a recipe for disaster.
Many coaches will let the parents know that they have a 24 hour rule. They will not entertain questions until 24 hours after the game.
Some coaches have a “No Gameday” rule. This means they do not discuss playing time or positions on a game day.
No matter what you call it, put a process in place to remove as much emotion as possible from a discussion.
It is inevitable that when you coach, you will have to deal with upset parents. You are coaching their children and it is understandable that they want to see their child succeed. Youth sports are the biggest shots to a parent’s ego and that will never change.
Proper communication can help to reduce in season challenges and make the experience better for all involved.